


Sew the Dress, Save the Universe

by aether (ThatAloneOne), caminante, klb, TheArcher



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Project Runway Crossover, Audio Content, Audio Format: Streaming, F/F, Humor, M/M, Not!Fic, Podfic, Podfic Length: 30-45 Minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:55:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28650150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatAloneOne/pseuds/aether, https://archiveofourown.org/users/caminante/pseuds/caminante, https://archiveofourown.org/users/klb/pseuds/klb, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheArcher/pseuds/TheArcher
Summary: An Adventure Zone Project Runway AU not!fic where we collaborative built a story based on cover art created bygreedy_dancer.Or:  What if, instead of making worlds go to war with each other, the DOM made them compete in a Project Runway-like competition?
Relationships: Barclay/Indrid Cold (The Adventure Zone), Dani/Aubrey Little
Comments: 5
Kudos: 3
Collections: Voiceteam Mystery Box 2020, Voiceteam Mystery Box 2020: Team Double Trouble





	Sew the Dress, Save the Universe

---  
  
**_Sew the Dress, Save the Universe_  
** a Project Runway AU not!fic  
  
cover art by [greedy_dancer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/greedy_dancer/pseuds/greedy_dancer)

  
  
Download: [MP3](https://archive.org/download/savedress-amnesty-notfic-full/savedress-amnesty-notfic-full.mp3)|38.2MB  
  
  
  
---  
  
### Transcript

**Sew the Dress, Save the Universe: A Collaborative Not!fic by TheArcher, Aether, Caminante, and Klb**

**Klb** : This is an oral not!fic based on a piece of cover art. And we will be figuring out the story that goes along with that cover.

 **TheArcher** : I have never been more stressed recording something, jesus.

 **Caminante** : [maybe we should do some] Group breathing exercises to calm down from the experience of trying to set up this not!fic.

 **Klb** : Well, that fits in with my premise, which I can now say, now that we're recording! So, the aliens who try to make hostile people kill each other—they connect the world—they're the shared consciousness. Okay. They take a different path in their lives, a less violent path. And in this world, rather than making aggressive people _kill each other_ , they make aggressive cultures _exhibit that aggression in healthy ways_ , by bringing everybody into Project Runway giant competitions until they have, like, worked out what they need to work out in terms of aggression, and are calm and peaceful enough to go back to their worlds without, you know, _causing harm to anybody._

 **Aether** : I have really bad news, which is that the villain is called the D.O.M. Which _apparently_ they pronounce as the “dome,” but I'm just like, “Oh, the Dom?” [background giggling from multiple people] The Deliberative Operational Mind. The DOM!

 **Caminante** : Yes! The Dom calls them in and says, “Make clothes for me!”

 **Klb** : That's correct.

 **Aether** : “Yes, sir!” [more giggles]

 **Caminante** : And it's like a hive mind of an entire civilization, right?

 **Klb** : Right, so they have very good challenge ideas because they have a lot to draw on.

 **Caminante** : Does Billy exist in this, though?

 **Klb** : Billy is Tim Gunn.

 **Aether** : Thank you. That was exactly what I was thinking.

 **Caminante** : He's there to translate from the hive mind.

 **Aether** : He's on their side!

 **Caminante** : And he’s in full Ryan Gosling appearance, right? [multiple people laugh]

 **Aether** : [bursts into laughter] Oh my god, I forgot about that!

 **TheArcher** : Oh my god, I forgot *laughs*

 **Aether** : Ryan Gosling, but he only says, "Pizza!"

 **Klb** : They come up with excuses to model their clothes on him because he looks so good in them.

 **Caminante** : He's definitely gonna, like, chew on the clothes though. [laughter from multiple people] Like, "Mmmmm, this dress has a great mouthfeel."

 **Aether** : Well, yeah, that makes sense. You know? Cuz like if Aubrey is there, right? She gets it. She has ADHD so she's like, “I'm including a stim necklace on this.” And that way all the clothes come out unchewed.

 **Klb** : And whenever it's close to time, like the challenge—it’s almost time to be done, he just comes in with giant, like with eight boxes of pizza and he's like—I can't do his voice, but pretend I'm saying pizza as him.

[multiple people say “pizza” bleating like a goat]

 **Klb** : And then everyone feels all chill and comforted, just like they do when Tim Gunn comes in. 

**Caminante** : Awww

 **TheArcher** : Yeah...

 **TheArcher** : I love that you have sort of made, like, an intergalactic Eurovision.

 **Klb** : That's right! They're all competing on one team together somehow against everybody in….

 **Aether** : The DOM!

 **Klb** : No, the DOM is the judges and everyone on Earth is competing against everyone from….

 **Multiple people in unison:** Sylvain.

 **Aether** : So you're saying this is Dani/Aubrey as Romeo/Juliet?

 **TheArcher** : Yes!

 **Aether** : But Space Eurovision

 **Caminante** : So the Sylvains have not been exiled into earth because there…. Or is this like we're picking up with the Sylvains that are on earth _still there_ and having to choose which side they're gonna fight for? Or— 

**TheArcher** : No. Well, I think the idea is that there was never a war, so Sylvain never died. So... 

**Caminante** : Okay.

 **TheArcher** : So, you know, whenever the DOM [pronounced “dome” with sarcasm], quote unquote, came in…

 **Aether** : The Dom?

[multiple people laugh]

 **Caminante** : Yeah, we should definitely keep saying Dom though. 

[multiple people laugh, from this point on DOM is pronounced Dom]

 **TheArcher** : So the DOM took over, as Doms are known to do. But instead of all of the, you know, _monsters_ that they threw out, they were like, “Here is some challenges.”

 **Aether** :They just throw a bolt of fabric through the gate!

 **Caminante** : We're gonna have to tag this as, like, bad kink negotiation.

[multiple people laugh]

 **Klb** : Well, I think that the DOM could reach into their dreams and get consent first. I think that _most_ of the people involved would be interested in like—okay, what's the prize? If there's a good enough prize, they would all agree, right?

 **Caminante** : Yes, sew the dress, save the world!

 **TheArcher** : Yes!

Aether: That’s a good title!

[multiple people laugh]

 **TheArcher** : Is it really no more war? Or is it like, if you lose then your planet gets destroyed? 

**Aether** : That’s more on brand!

 **Caminante** : Yeah, that is what they are there for, though, right? To reduce the amount of aggressive planets. Or like, is it actually, like, the challenge is to _collaborate_ with the other team, but you don't know that? Because the whole point is like making them non-aggressive, right?

 **Aether** : No, no, no, I think if we're going with—you know, they'd be like, “Okay, so we're gonna set up enough competition that they’re all gonna want to fucking kill each other. Just don't even bother with a war. Just be like—they're gonna kill each other over catty dresses.

 **Klb** : So this is a _faster_ way to start a war, is what I'm hearing.

 **TheArcher** : Yeah! The DOM was never anti-war. They said that they were, but what they really wanted to do was to stir conflict. And then if people gave into the conflict, they'd be like, [smug tone] “Well, it looks like you're not so smart, after all.”

 **Caminante** : “So we should just destroy _both_ of your planets.”

 **Klb** : But they didn't count on Aubrey, who came to make friends.

 **Caminante** : Yeah.

 **Aether** : They didn’t count on Aubrey, and the homoeroticism.

 **Klb** : In this world, just to be clear, Aubrey and Dani _have not met_ until they are competitors in this game, right?

 **TheArcher and Aether:** Yeah.

 **Caminante** : Oh, I love this. I love this.

 **Klb** : Okay. So let's start at the beginning. Okay, so, everyone is asleep and dreaming, right? And the DOM comes to them in their dreams and tries to bribe them into this competition, this Project Runway competition. How does the DOM talk them into agreeing to sort of go through the door to this magical competition?

 **Aether** : Yeah, I think it would just be, like, magic. Like the same as, uh, sort of Aubrey in the beginning, right? where she's just like doing magic tricks in her dreams, because that's who she is as a person. And then it’s like, “Hey, hey, what if there was _real magic_ that you could do? Hey, hey, hey.”

 **Caminante** : I would definitely say that they would send a dream version of Billy/Ryan Gosling as their ambassador to everyone's dreams, to pitch this as like, “Hey Girl, want to save the world by _fashion design_?”

 **Klb** : So okay, here's the thing. Easy pitch for Aubrey, I don't need to be sold on why Aubrey says yes. I don't need to be sold on why Ned says yes. Why does _Duck_ agree to this?

 **TheArcher** : That, now there’s the rub. So I guess kind of like, what sort of free stuff or what opportunities would interest Duck? Is—I mean, would Duck even have a prophecy in this new universe? Or is he just some guy until this happens?

 **Aether** : Oh, I know. Conservation!

 **Caminante** : Oh, he's gotta have Beacon though, right? Who's Duck without Beacon?

 **Aether** : "Get rid of Beacon for you". Sold!

 **Caminante** : *giggles* Yeah, exactly. Like, Beacon’s like, “Mmmm, Duck Newton, it is your destiny to make dresses!" And he's like, “Oh, fuck, I gotta get rid of this sword.”

 **Aether** : Beacon is a sewing needle!

 **Klb** : Beacon _is_ a sewing needle!

[giggling]

 **Klb** : But also, Beacon is a sewing needle that has been, like, driving him nuts for many years. However, for the purposes of the DOM, Beacon and Duck, since they are psychically connected, count as one being. 

**Caminante** : Absolutely.

 **Klb** : So when Beacon consents, that counts as Duck consenting, and so he's just dragged there secondarily through this connection to Beacon and he hates every second of it.

 **Caminante** : Yeah, Ryan Gosling came to Beacon and gathered consent. And Duck’s just like, “Why am I on a spaceship with a lot of fabric?”

 **TheArcher** : I—They have, like, a simultaneous dream and, like, Duck doesn't understand what's happening and Beacon is _on it_. And I love the visual of this enchanted needle and thread making its own clothes.

[giggling]

 **Caminante** : It's kind of like, I'm getting the image of, like, when all the little mice make Cinderella's dress, but it's just all Beacon, like, darting around.

 **Klb** : And I feel like Beacon is going to troll Duck by doing all of the sewing and then pretending to be inanimate and so Duck gets all the credit. So the judges are always complimenting Duck for being this amazing fashion designer. And Duck is like actively trying to sabotage his stuff to, like, divert attention away from himself. But Beacon just keeps making amazing stuff and then being like, “What, me? I'm just a needle.”

 **TheArcher** : They’re like, “The stitching on this is amazing. You have such a steady hand!”

 **Klb** : And he's always like, “I. didn't. do. it. I. don't. care. about. this.” And all the judges are just, like, *wink*.

 **Aether:** So humble!

 **TheArcher** : _“You_ didn’t do it, it came from you.” You know, just the spirit took you over.

 **Caminante** : Maybe it's just because I'm, like, currently watching the C-drama remake of “Hikaru no Go,” but like, I'm really getting some vibes here. Like, “No, I don’t—it's not me, it's this ghost that follows me around." But it’s Beacon as a needle, like “I force you to sew!”

 **Aether** : When my dad was a kid, his mom sewed, and he was always getting put in these, like, matching outfits with his brothers. So I'm just imagining that trope of like the mom who's always putting embarrassing outfits on her kids, but it's Beacon and Duck. So Beacon’s always just sewing Duck these awful outfits that Duck hates because he just wants to wear, like, jeans. But uh, you know, he’s, he’s just he's a fashion plate!

 **Klb** : Right, to be clear, they're _amazing_ outfits and Duck _hates_ them.

 **Aether** : Exactly.

 **TheArcher** : Specifically _because_ they're very good.

***

 **Klb** : Tell me about Aubrey. What is—how does she take to the challenges? How do things go for her as she begins this competition? 

**TheArcher** : So I….

 **Caminante** : And most importantly, is Dr. Harris bonkers there with her?

 **TheArcher** : Oh…

 **Aether** : Of course!

 **TheArcher** : I mean, if Beacon is there, I feel like Doctor Harris Bonkers is allowed.

 **Caminante** : Yeah, she was cuddling him in bed and they both got zapped into the DOM's spaceship.

 **Aether** : Okay, let me level this up…

 **Klb** : Right, she thinks that she consented to going but actually Dr. Harris Bonkers consented beforehand. [giggling] And they are also psychically linked, so she thinks that she's there because of her, but really, it's because of Dr. Harris Bonkers.

 **Aether** : Okay, so what if Dr. Harris bonkers is not a regular rabbit, but _an angora rabbit_? Because you can, 

**Caminante** : Ohhhhh…..

 **Aether** : Because, you can, I'm a spinner. You can spin yarn with rabbit fur. 

**Caminante** : mmmhmmm

 **Aether** : And often there's, like, just little videos that, of people just, like, combing their rabbit and then spinning it. Because they're just like

 **Caminante** : Yes!

 **Aether** : Because, just their fur gets loose when they're shedding. So she's just like, weaving, she's crocheting, she's creating yarn with her with her pet! And that’s why she’s cool.

 **TheArcher** : That will be her, like, her finale collection Like, that's her _thing_ that the final collection has.

 **Klb** : Wait…

 **Caminante** : Yeah, all angora 

**Klb** : but, she can't get a lot because it's only one bunny, so she can only make bunny-sized clothes. [laughter] So, the only person she dresses is Dr. Harris bonkers.

 **Aether** : Like a mini, a mini-kini

 **Caminante** : Yeah, he's her, he's her model. [giggling]

 **Klb** : And like, her clothes are amazing, but the judges keep disqualifying her because _rabbit clothes don't count_. And she does not care. 

[giggling]

 **Caminante** : Well, that's gonna be weird for the Sylvains though, because a lot of them are like anthropomorphic animals right?

 **TheArcher** : I wonder if they see that as, like. I wonder how they would, if they would see that as like _a neutral thing_ like, that's a thing that they might do? Because they're not all the same animal. I can understand if they were all like the same animal, that might not be a thing. But because there's some people who are goats, and some people who are cats, that maybe some, like, cats wear, like, I don't know rabbit fur or something because, you know, because it's like, “Well.”

 **Klb** : Yeah.

 **Caminante** : Oh yeah, yeah. I just mean if the judges are disqualifying animal clothing then they’re kind of…. tipping the scale towards the earth team. 

**Klb** : Oh!

 **Caminante** : They’re being species-ist.

 **Klb** : Idea then-the humans _initially_ the Earth team has to dress themselves. The Sylvain team is allowed to dress themselves. So they're allowed to dress animals but the Earth team isn't. Aubrey, after the third or fourth challenge that she does amazing work and gets disqualified because it's for the rabbit, sneaks over to the Sylvain side to try to figure out how she can get on that team or dress someone from that team, because it's an unfair rule and she wants to make it count. And this begins the alliance, which begins to _undermine_ the plans of the DOM to have them at war, because now they begin to ally against the _unfair rules of the competition_ , which is not what the DOM had in mind.

 **TheArcher** : ooooh.

 **Caminante** : I feel like she’d go to Barclay because he's bigfoot, right? So she'd want to be like, “Is it offensive If I ask if I could, like, spin some of your fur?”

 **Klb** : Yes!

 **TheArcher** : Yes, I think Aubrey would do _amazing things_ with bigfoot yarn yeah. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that. I think that Aubrey would be one of those designers that like, when they're in the shop, everyone is like, "That looks ridiculous. I don't know what's going on." And then once you see it on the runway, you're like, “Oh, that's great.! Oh, okay.” But it's like on the line. 

**Caminante** : Yeah.

 **Klb** : Okay, so I think first Aubrey crosses over and starts working with them both to get some of their fur [laughter] and to, like, help dress them, and to try to overturn these unfair species-ist rules.

 **Klb** : Then let's talk about Ned.

 **Aether** : Well, hold on, but, like, Sylvain fabric is magic, right? Like the whole deal in the beginning was they crossed over and Duck had to like put on a wool scarf that comes from Sylvain. So obviously, it's like tradition for them to weave their own fur, hair, or whatever. So if she goes with a bigfoot scarf, what if that starts giving her magical powers?

 **Klb** : Oh, [gasp] so she gets her magical powers from the clothes? 

**Aether** : Yes!

 **Caminante** : Mmmm. 

**TheArcher** : Love it!

 **Aether** : Oh, and then she puts the magical clothes on the bunny and the bunny starts to turn into a person!

 **Camiante** : [giggling] Yay!

 **Camiante** : Um, right isn't it that you have to wear the item so that you don't go crazy from, like, being in the different planet? But we're just, like, fudging that and saying, like, “If you wear it you will get qualities from that planet, including fire magic.”

 **Klb** : We sure are!

***

 **Camiante** : Is Jake Cool Ice there?

 **Klb** : Jake Cool Ice was the first one to agree!

[giggling]

 **Aether** : He exclusively makes skiing clothing.

 **Klb** : Someone told him there would be pizza.

[laughter]

 **TheArcher** : I’m a little confused about how this competition is going to work when it is, you know, like Earth team and Sylvain team. Are like the Earthlings competing amongst themselves to see who is going to compete with Sylvain or is it like group projects every time? 

**Caminante** : Oh….

 **Klb** : Shakespeare, did you just say group projects are more chaotic?

 **TheArcher** : Group projects are more chaotic because they want everyone's garment that they're wearing to, you know, work together. So everyone is _always_ arguing about, like, “Well, _I_ wanted to use the angora fur, so _you_ have to use it so that it works together!”

 **Klb** : So the DOM is definitely going to make them do group projects in competition with each other, thus bringing the maximum amount of discord.

 **Caminante** : Of aggression, yeah.

 **TheArcher** : So, so okay. So we first start with the Earth team and the Sylvain team basically being separate and doing their own thing. And, you know, they see each other's clothes, and they see each other at the runway. But other than that they don't really socialize _until_ Aubrey crosses over to see about the, you know, fur situation, and then how do we get the others over there? I do—I think that Klb was right saying that Ned is going to be the next one after Aubrey.

 **Klb** : Yeah, so what's Ned been doing since he got there? Like, how did they talk him into it, and what has his vibe been?

 **Aether** : Stealing things!

 **Klb** : Oh, my gosh!

 **Aether** : He’s stealing supplies.

 **Klb** : They said alien spaceship and he agreed [laughter] because he wanted an opportunity to steal cool alien stuff.

 **Caminante** : And he's like the person that just makes the same outfit over and over again. And they're like, “You need, you need to expand.” And he's like, “But this one is a _different_ color plaid.” 

**Klb** : Yes! He's basically trying to grift his way out of it. And, like, spend as much time as possible just, like, stealing shit. Like, _every opportunity_ he can have to ask for, like, weird fabric, or go somewhere, he's doing. And then he's just adding, like, one pocket square? 

**Caminante** : Snapping photos

 **Klb** : Because he doesn't care about the clothes. He just cares about, like, all the side hustles he has going on. 

**Aether** : And he has like 15.

 **Klb** : UNTIL.

 **Caminante** : And he did not, he did not listen close enough to the sales pitch to get that like Earth will be _destroyed_ if he doesn't care about his clothes. He's just thinking about the Cryptonomicon.

 **Klb** : Yeah, he's got the most amazing collection

 **Aether** : He's like, “Oh, this is great. This is alien number one shit. I want alien number two shit! Come on, diversify! [And he] starts sneaking sneaking over to the Sylvain side to steal their stuff too. 

**Klb** : So right one day, he follows Aubrey to the Sylvain side. And maybe he had been so distracted with his grift he _literally_ did not notice that there were actual aliens until this moment. And then he gets so excited. Because now—he actually is passionate about dressing up the models in his shop and, the, whatever, the fake monsters and stuff. And he's into, like, monster movies. So now he's interested and he becomes suddenly _passionate_ about the fashion side now that his interests have shifted and he realizes he gets to do fashion for monsters. 

**Caminante** : Yeah. He just wants selfies with everyone.

 **Klb** : And so now he's very, very in suddenly but _only_ if the other team is involved. So that's another point of connection with the other team. He is _bored_ of doing fashion unless it involves monsters.

 **Aether** : The other team doesn't trust him as far as they can throw him. Can you imagine this man shows up and is like [sleazy voice] “I'd _love_ to dress you! Hoh hoh hoh."

 **Caminante** : “Hey, let's just take a selfie, no reason.”

 **TheArcher** : Then they have this sort of double team situation where, like, they're like, “Earthlings only dress other humans and Sylvains, you only dress other Sylvanians, and then Aubrey is like, “I can dress whoever I want!” And then Ned is like, “Actually I one-hundred percent agree. The only thing in the world I care about now is making sure that this mothman looks good.

 **Aether** : Yes!

 **Camiante** : Indrid! Thanks for bringing in my, my rare pair.

 **TheArcher** : Rare pair? Indrid and Ned!?

 **Caminante** : No, no. Indrid and Barclay. But they're both on the team, so I'm happy they're there.

 **Aether** : Ned’s dressing them both. In coordinating outfits.

 **Caminante** : Yes! Making bigfoot-yarn sweaters for a humble mothman,

 **Klb** : Ned ships them. And he begins on a quest to try to get them together.

[giggling]

 **TheArcher** : I think that's something that you wouldn't _think_ would be a Ned thing. But then you just _imagine_ him just being like, “I don't know what it is, but something about that Mothman and Bigfoot, I think they could be good for each other!”

 **Klb** : And he's big on, like, selling people on things. So he's gonna see it, and then he's gonna want to pitch it and try to get them—try to sell them on his vision.”

 **Caminante** : “Yeah, that mothman looks cold, he needs a bigfoot sweater!”

[laughter]

 **Caminante** : Of course, Indrid knows exactly what's going on because he sees the future. 

**Aether** : Oh no!

 **Caminante** : He's like, “Oh, all those visions I had 100 years ago _finally make sense_! This creeper from a different planet is gonna get me together with this guy that I've had a crush on for a long time. I'm just gonna go with it and give him pizza.”

 **Klb** : Right, like Indrid knows where it's going, but it's going his way. So he's just like, “Mmmhmmm.” Never mentions that he knows exactly what's up. Okay, so now we've got Aubrey—first of all, talk to me about Dani. How does Aubrey meet Dani, what's their relationship like when they first meet?

 **Aether** : Dani is a damn hot girl.

 **Caminante** : Yeah, she's, like, “There's a hot girl over there! And also she doesn't seem to be an animal person. I wonder what's up with her?”

 **TheArcher** : I wonder what kind of designer Dani would be. Do you think that, like, if Aubrey is a really kooky out-there designer, that Dani is more of, like, a conservative, all about the straight lines designer?

 **Caminante** : Yeah, super practical, like….

 **TheArcher** : Has a lot of pants with pockets.

 **Caminante** : Yeah, and dresses with pockets.

 **Klb** : And so do they start doing this back and forth where, like, Aubrey just tries to add, be like, “Can I add _one thing.”_ Like add one little piece of flair. [laughter]

 **TheArcher** : And then that's the thing that the judges are like, “You know, it would have been _pretty boring_ g, unless, until you added this.”

 **Caminante** : “These flames.” [laughter]

 **Klb** : Dani's like, “You may add one thing on mine for each thing I'm allowed to _remove_ from yours.” 

**Aether** : Oooooh!

 **Caminante** : Yeah.

 **Klb** : And with their Amazing teamwork, both of their outfits _immediately,_ like, double in quality.

 **Caminante** : Dani organizes her trays of baubles and things that she puts on her—Because you know, Aubrey would just have everything scattered everywhere. And Dani just is, like, low-key organizing her stuff for her.

 **TheArcher** : So it sounds like what is happening here is a bit of a Project Runway Earth-Sylvain DOM revolution happening. Where they're supposed to be fighting each other, instead they're helping each other. So how does this, like, how do they realize that the way that they're being pitted against each other is like a construction, and that they can…..

 **Aether** : Duck! 

**Klb** : I agree. Duck has to come back in. Duck has to be the one to figure it out. And can he—

 **Aether** : I know how it happens! I know! He's finally just gets so fucking done with Beacon that he's like, “Okay, some, those aliens have magic. I'm gonna go talk to those aliens and see if they can unconnect me from this hell needle.” [laughter] So he goes up, he over to the Sylvain people and he's like, “Please take this away from me, I’m begging you!" Uh, and when they're like looking into “Hey, what the fuck do you have this?” And maybe all along it was, it was the DOM who had sent that needle in the first place to provide conflict.

 **Caminante** : Oh, it’s like, it's like Beacon is from _Sylvain_ in this, they're like….

 **Klb** : No, Beacon _is_ from the DOM isn't it?

 **Caminante** : Beacon is from Minerva.

 **Klb** : Oh, Beacon is from Minerva.

 **Caminante** : Whose planet was destroyed by the DOM earlier.

 **Klb** : Hmmmm

 **Aether** : So is she on the ship? Is she just stowaway from the last event they held? 

**Klb** : Oh my god, she's just, she's hiding in cupboards and stuff. She's like, [laughter] finding, because she wants to—she doesn't want anybody to, like, she doesn't want the DOM to know she's there. So she's just doing, like, absolutely over-the-top subterfuge to try to, like, sneak around and get Duck’s attention, because she is the one who sent him Beacon, to try to—

 **Caminante** : The Magic Needle.

 **Aether** : The super weapon!

 **Klb** : Right, she knew that if she sent the magic needle, then he would get chosen to be on this Project Runway, and then she could, you know, talk to him. She just feels like there's something about him that would have the right skillset.

 **Caminante** : So, I just have a clarifying question. So is it three-person teams? So we've got Ned, Aubrey and Duck, obviously. And then there's Barclay, Indrid, And Dani. That’s who we're working with? And secret Minerva?

 **Klb** : That feels right. 

**TheArcher** : There were more before, and then like the other people got eliminated. 

**Caminante** : Oh, dear! They got sent back to their planet to wait and find out if they're going to be, like, “Big E” eliminated.

 **TheArcher** : Can I just, I just had a thought of instead of instead of it being Project Runway, it's Starship Runway?

 **Multiple people:** Yeah. Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

 **Caminante** : More like Star Wars Runway.

 **Klb** : That's the secret code name for it. But they say Starship Runway, you know, participant-facing it’s Starship Runway 

**Caminante** : “Come to Starship Runway.” [impersonates a goat voice] “Starrrrrshiiiippp” 

[laughter]

 **Klb** : So, Minerva finally gets Duck's attention how? [laughter] She just, like, bursts—he's, like, washing his hands in a sink and, and she, like, busts out from under the sink and, like, grabs his ankle and is like “psssst, down here!” [Minverva impersonation] “Down here, Duck Newton!”

 **Caminante** : [Minerva impersonation] “You have a destiny!” 

**Klb** : [Minerva impersonation] “Duck Newton, join me.!”

 **Caminante** : “Under the sink?”

 **Klb** : Under the sink.

 **TheArcher** : [Minerva impersonation] “Finally, I’ve been able to find you alone Duck Newton!”

 **Klb** : [Minerva impersonation] “There is much to learn! Your training begins now!” But his training isn’t battle training in this at _all_. She just wants to train him how to do conflict resolution, because he, like, has the temperament to basically do the final step. Which is to bring this whole group together in a way that they can function as a team and finally take on the DOM

 **TheArcher** : With one giant, _very diverse_ and yet somehow still cohesive collection. 

**Klb** : Also, I have to say. Duck—the only person until he meets Minerva that he has, like, bonded with at all, is Billy. [laughter] And Duck and Billy hang out—

 **Caminante** : Just, like, hang out playing video games.

 **Klb** : _Constantly._ So, as soon as Duck is on board with the plan, Billy is also on board with the plan and can kind of be their man on the inside.

 **Caminante** : Yeah, cuz they got to get them to stop doing this forever.

 **Klb** : So what's their plan?

 **Aether** : They stab Beacon into the computer with a collected urge to not have to sew again.

[laughter]

 **Caminante** : That's, I mean, that's the like failsafe. But they want to try and solve it with _fashion_ first. So they, I think that they should make like one cohesive collection for humans and Sylvains all together. And wear each other's works.

 **Klb** : What would happen if they created an outfit to dress the judges? 

[multiple people say “yeah” and “ohhhh”]

 **Klb** : Would that somehow magically do something? 

**Caminante** : Oh, they make the perfect outfit for Ryan Gosling. And it just _stuns everyone_ into being like, “No, all is good with the world. And all worlds. We are peaceful now.”

 **Klb** : Right, they finally feel their wounds healing from….

[laughter]

 **TheArcher** : Well, the thing that came to my mind was somehow. And, like, if you think this is not as much fun, that's fine. But for me, this is very fun—some sort of algorithm that it gives you every single possible permutation that you can put fabric over your body. So it's like there is no more fashion. We have done everything. [laughter] Every single piece of clothing that has ever been or could ever be is right here.

[laughter]

 **Caminante** : Like, Billy and Minerva help.

 **Klb** : It breaks the competition. 

**TheArcher** : Exactly. There's nothing more to do. You can't compete over clothes anymore. Because we've done _all of the clothes_. Everybody wins!

 **Klb** : I did have another idea. And I wonder if we could connect it or whatever. My idea was the DOM is, uh, what are they? What does it stand for is?

 **Aether** : It is “the Deliberative Operational Mind.”

 **Klb** : So they're—the deliberative operational mind, they’re a hive mind, right? But in theory, they could separate into bodies. If the bodies were appealing enough, by being _well-dressed enough_.

 **Caminante** : Right! Because they've got those those body 3D printers!

 **Aether** : They just have to convince everyone to 3D print out by the power of clothing. [giggles]

 **Caminante** : Yeah! Like, oh, I want to watch, I want to wear that! And one-by-one, they come out of their computer existence.

 **Klb** : Exactly. And once they're separated, they realize that what they've been doing is _nuts_. Because I think that being together in that Deliberative, Operational Mind has, like, really addled them. But I think if they came out of that into individual consciousnesses, they would be like, “Wh—why?” 

**Caminante** : “What have we been doing?” 

**Klb** : They would stop. They would have empathy again.

 **Caminante** : Yeah, that's canon. Like that's why Billy is, like, “Now I'm off to, like, go right the wrongs of my people. Because I spent enough time as an individual and realized like, that was _bananas_.”

 **Klb** : So can it be a two-pronged plan? 

**Caminante** : mmmhmmm

 **Klb** : Prong one is they break fashion. And prong two, while the judges are absolutely _paralyzed_ by fashion having been broken by their outfit that is all-outfits-forever, they present their final collection. How many beings are in the DOM? Do we know?

 **Aether** : Let’s see if the wiki says….1183!

 **Klb** : So they present their final collection: 1183 _unbelievably cool_ outfits.

 **Caminante** : [giggles] Beacon is so proud!

 **Klb** : Beacon did 987 of them.

[laughter]

 **TheArcher** : When you said that they broke fashion that makes me think of, like, a prison break fashion break.

 **Caminante** : [giggles] We gotta get fashion out of here!

 **TheArcher** : That's what they're doing. It's like a prison break, but with _fashion_.

[multiple people say “yes!”]

 **TheArcher** :Fashion is owned….

 **Caminante** : One-by-one, each member of the collective hive mind sees the outfit that they've, they always longed for, and chooses to 3D print their body, just so that they can try it on. And in choosing to print the 3D body, and put their consciousness into it, and into that _amazing_ outfit that looks perfect on them, then they're like, “Oh, shit. I have been _killing whole civilizations_ for a long time. That's—that doesn't seem like the right way to make peace.”

 **TheArcher** : “I was just saying yes, because everyone else was saying yes, but I guess they were just saying yes because I was saying yes.”

 **Klb** : Right, “Now I have to be responsible for my choices _as an individual_ and I am not making those choices, if that's the case.”

 **Aether** : “We can’t kill Earth, their fashions are _so rad.”_

 **Caminante** : And their penance is to go and bring perfect fashion to each planet in the universe, one by one. In penance for all the genocide.

[laughter]

 **Klb** : Okay, Okay. Wait, look. Are you guys looking at the cover? Are you looking at the cover right now? The _scissors_ represent the breaking of the the DOM into individual consciousnesses, _cutting_ that hive mind into separate pieces.

 **Caminante** : That red thread, that _definitely_ came from Dani's workbench, because she puts flames on everything. Or not Dani, I’m sorry, Aubrey.

 **Klb** : Although there's something very sweet about Dani putting flames on everything because of Aubrey.

 **Caminante** : Oh _yeah_.

 **Caminante** : It's a subtle—they're having like, like slow, slow, [laughs] slow _burn_ , if you will, in the background. Like, “Maybe if I put flames on my sensible pantsuits, she'll know that I like her.” [laughs]

 **TheArcher** : Just before Duck stabs the button that, that makes all of the possible combinations of fabric on bodies. He goes, “I’m about to put an end to your fashion fascism!”

[laughter]

 **Caminante** : And then everyone laughs and he doesn't get it, because he didn't even realize that he made a funny.

 **Aether** : What if part of that ultimate outfit is Aubrey’s vest, right? Because it's like a denim vest with rad red embroidery. Like that thread on the cover.

 **Caminante** : Yeah. Mm hmm.

***

 **Klb** : All right, quick. Bring Muffy and Winthrop into it.

[laughter]

 **Aether** : Models!

 **Klb** : Yes! Muffy and Winthrop are the models who walk down the runway in every single outfit!

[laughter]

 **Caminante** : Like, “Hello, hive mind number 72. Wouldn't you love this beautiful coat?”

[laughter]

 **Klb** : Muffy and Winthrop _only_ agree to help everyone with stopping the worlds get destroyed because they get the awesome everything outfit. They have to bribe them with that.

 **Caminante** : They get the swag bag.

 **Klb** : They get to keep it!

 **Caminante** : Yeah.

 **TheArcher** : Oh, so they weren't invited by, like, the DOM-dream. Minerva made her own dream to go and get them and they were like, “Meh, sounds dramatic.” And Minerva was like, “You get to keep the clothes.” “Ah, sold!”

[laughter]

 **Klb** : Yes! And also, just a minor detail, the way that they know how to make the 1100 however many outfits that are perfect—

 **Aether** : And 83! 

**Klb** : Is because Indrid is able to—

 **Camiante** : Yeah! 

**Klb** : Tell what the ideal outfit would be. 

**Aether** : ohhhh

 **Camiante** : Yes! Exactly.

 **Klb** : Well, friends, I think we just saved the world.

[laughter]

 **TheArcher** : We did it!

 **Caminante** : Yeah, and we, like, built all the ships, right? Because Duck and Minerva ended up together. I guess Ned's just, Ned’s alone, aw.

 **Klb** : Ned gets to live!

 **Caminante** : But we got. Yeah everyone gets to live! It's just, like, we put Duck and Minerva together _on a ship._ We put Dani and Aubrey together _on a ship._ And we put Barclay and Indrid together _on a ship._

 **TheArcher** : Ned gets his true passion, which is dressing unusual creatures.

 **Klb** : Ned gets to keep all the stuff he stole.

 **Caminante** : Yeah, all this stuff he stole and all of his selfies with aliens. Like the Cryptonomicon is gonna make _so much money._

 **Aether** : I’m so proud of him!

 **Caminante** : Yeah, like, does Billy like decide to stay on earth? Or I guess he needs to, he needs to, like, as the, as the member of the hive mind that has been independent longest, he needs to, like, gently guide the newly not-hive-minded, uh, remainder of this civilization towards, towards penance via bringing fashion to all the universe.

 **TheArcher** : He's gonna get his own, like, Ripley's Believe it or not.

 **Klb** : And whenever they get overwhelmed by, like, the weight of the task ahead of them, he walks in with like 20 boxes of pizza. And he's like [goat voice impersonation] “Pizza!” And they all just shout in unison, “Pizza”

 **Aether, Caminante, Klb, and TheArcher** [in unison]: [goat voice impersonation] “Pizza!”

[All Things from "Queer Eye" Plays]

Bloopers:

 **Klb:** Aether, you got cut off again

 **Aether** : Oh, for crying out loud!

[laughter]

 **Aether** : [frustrated silly voice] Aether!

[laughter]

[several people say “Aether!” in an exaggerated silly voice]

 **TheArcher** : Ennuicastr will probably get it. But it would be very funny if like [soothing voice] “by TheArcher, Caminante, KLB, and [loud silly voice] Aether!”

[laughter]

 **Aether** : That’s ideal!


End file.
